Today’s You Version bible “Verse of the Day” goes well with the theme of Labor Day quotes I’ve been posting this week on social media, and especially the quote from Colossians I posted even before seeing this one.  And it kinda made me take a long pause to think about WHAT the “work” I do should be rooted in.  The verse reads, “In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus Himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  -St. Paul - Acts 20:35.

It made me pause to reevaluate the “why” of my work.  I have been working A Lot lately.  Some of you know I am a nurse that moonlights as a psych charge nurse at a mental health hospital, I pick up referrals for a home health agency to provide home psych evaluations, AND I am building a 2-part business – one part in coaching and mentoring and the other part in marketing for an online wellness company that provides affordable top end products directly to the consumer.  In all that I do, I like to think I am following my Isaiah 61 calling and fulfilling my duty to each human I meet by providing the best of my services for their benefit. 
However; I still paused.  I, too, am human and can lose sight of the forest from the trees even in this “hard work” I do.  I get caught up in the doing, rather than the being. My agenda to “help” people may not be how people want to be helped.  And that frustrates me sometimes.  I even get mad because I can be convinced I have the answer they have been looking for and decide to assert myself “for their good.”  But that is where I think my work gets muddy.  Am I truly “giving” and “helping” the weak, or am I just strong-arming my ideas?  Am I trying to receive validation for my ego, or truly give compassion and understanding to the one I am serving?

Nursing teaches you to be a leader, an advocate, and provide evidenced-based education to individuals struggling with some kind of mental, physical and even emotional issue.  However, the current nursing is provided under that medical model which is very diseased/cure focused, sometimes to the exclusion of the “whole” person.  I get so caught up in the “hard work” of fighting a system of corporate healthcare that I forget the “weak” – those I am supposed to be fighting for.  I get upset and get on soap-boxes about the woes of “the system”, rather than focus and listen to what is truly important – the heart of the person with whom I am ranting.   I forget my attitude is very contagious and we all need more positive affirmation instead of being reminded about how messed up things may seem – especially those whom I serve and even with whom I work.

Moreover, I think a lot about nursing wages.  They are honestly not the best, contrary to popular belief.  Getting paid for nursing services is not wrong.  I believe nurses should be paid better for their services.  In fact; when one understands the purpose of money, one understands that trading money is a tool to allow individuals to make a living serving others - That is why I sometimes get bent out of shape when I am nickel-and-dimed for my wages or when someone demands something “free” from me.  Truly, we all need to receive wages to survive and thrive.  But with all that said, I have observed nurses, and especially myself, get caught in the wages and benefits compensation argument versus what we offer for our services and lose focus on how much we bless those we serve.  I still believe in fighting for fair wages, of course.  I just pray I never get so caught up in the “receiving” of compensation that I lose focus of the “giving” of my God-given talent to heal and cure others. 

You may not be a nurse, but I still encourage you to pause and reflect on the hard work you do and ask yourself “why” you do it.  Do you look at your job as something to “receive” wages and benefits only, or also to “give” your very best service?   If you find yourself struggling with those questions, that may lead you to even a bigger question outside the scope of this post:  Are you living out your purpose and working it out at your job? 

Those are not easy questions, but I can pretty much guarantee that if you ask them and answer truthfully and then shift closer to the focus of giving rather than just receiving, you will feel happier and fulfilled.  It really is more joyful to give than receive.

This beautiful cool cloudy morning, I woke up to the thought, “uuuugh, I am so achy and I have work-out.”  Now, I was not necessarily dreading to work out but I was thinking about how challenging it is first thing in the morning to get up groggy and stiff and move in any way after laying horizontal over 7 hours.  However, working out first thing in the morning is the only time I have been able to remain consistent with it.  After my morning prayer while still laying in bed, something in me decided to start gently stretching - kinda like I used to as a child.  I started with raising my arms over my head and pointing my toes.  Then flexing my toes and foot and moving my hands to me side.  I repeated that a couple of times and intuitively started on lifting my knees, one at a time, then both.  Mind you, I was still horizontal.  Then I did gentle twists from side to side, and eventually turned around and did a gentle circuit of child’s pose, cat and cow.  When I got up, I felt energized and not as stiff.  When I went to the bathroom for my morning pre-workout routine, I did not feel as groggy.  Finally, I eased in to my 10-minute low impact aerobics routine by BodyFit by Amy that I is getting me into to routine of working out again.   

Every morning, I do something called a Miracle Morning, where exercise is part of that and meditation in prayer.  (More on Miracle Mornings at a later date.)  In the devotional I am going through during my Miracle monrning routine, Start Your Day Right - Don’t Waste Time by Joyce Meyer Ministries via YouVersion, Ms. Meyer wrote about it being so important to be self-controlled as not to waste time.  Although we don’t need to by rigid or inflexible with our time, it’s important to use that time wisely.   It hit me while reading this that in order to use time wisely, sometimes we have to be wise by being consistent with time.  So I asked myself, “how is it that one becomes consistent with anything, let a lone time?” It occurred to me that routines make one consistent.  Just as I had started Miracle Mornings as a morning ritual, I incorporated working out as another (among other powerful habits outlined in this morning routine.)  Habits, whether good or bad, don’t always happen overnight.  It is something that one makes a routine and becomes consistent with that routine.   Hear ye:  I challenge anyone reading this; Start with one easy activity you have wanted to implement, find a time of day you can make a routine out of it, become consistent with it and it will become a habit.  It greatly helps if you have an accountability partner – someone doing this activity with you or just someone that you can tell you did the activity so that they can be excited with and encourage you.  There are other tools you can use, some which I will mention in the next coming weeks.  But start small – like I will with my new routine of easy morning stretches.  You will be amazed how something simple like this will monumentally impact your day!  

I have found that lamentably this is a truth with our current culture. I encounter may individuals, both patients, clients and even friends and family that say the pain or discomfort of their current situation is much to bear. However, when offered a solution or a way out, the remain almost frozen as if paralyzed to act. I used to think it was mere laziness, but as I took time to do my best to understand their heart, I found this is not often true. There is, instead, a learned helplessness tied with an ignorance that takes time to penetrate. There definitely is a longing for the cure, but fear of the cost to obtain it. Fear about how much time it will take to change. Fear about the unknown. Fear about what being cured actually mean as it will become a new norm. Fear of the pain to change is still greater of the fear in remaining the same. I have to admit; I am sometimes at a loss at how to approach people that hold on to their fear like a comfort blankie. I know it sounds ironic, but many do. It is like trying to pry away their torn up smelly blanket from them because it is all they know and have experienced so much loss, losing even this fear they have grown quite accustomed and even comfortable with is too precious for them to give up.

I remember once seeing a profound meme of a father (I think it was representing Jesus) kneeling in front of a little girl. She was clutching to her mangled teddy bear. His right hand was gently wooing her to let it go, while in his left hand there was the most beautiful teddy behind his back ready for her enjoyment. But she first had to give this worn out possession to receive what was better. There is a famous quote by John D. Rockefeller: “Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” But for most, I find this is still not relevant to them. They still let go of the fear of giving up the bad for the good. Or in this case, the dis-ease for the cure. The battle of any disease state – well most of them – the battle is in the mind. I have learned to approach others “stuck” in fear, with love. Love truly drives out fear. Letting others know that you want to genuinely understand them with no judgment begins to chip away at that fear. With love, patience. The patience to listen and learn; it isn’t an overnight process. Finally, with love and patience; be an example. An example by being conquering one’s owns fear and sharing that process without shame. Show that it is normal and even okay to be afraid, but courageous. How one will get a wish fulfilled with courage. The courage to fight. The courage to endure. The courage to feel stupid sometimes, especially when you fall. The courage to get back up again. The courage to share their story without shame.
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I was an addict for many years desperately wishing things to be different. I so wanted to be cured of so much pain and heartache. I was that little girl desperately clinging to toxic relationships and afraid of being sober because I didn’t like how it felt to be otherwise. I was okay being self-medicated because it numbed my pain, discomfort and my awkwardness being around others. The band-aide of drugs, sex and trance music was all I knew. But one day, the fear of remaining the same was greater than the fear of being radical and doing something different. The fear of losing my life or soul became greater than the fear of losing my ‘friends’. Ultimately, the fear of my children following in those footsteps outweighed the fear of shuffling alone in my own. When I finally hit my rock-bottom, it produced something amazing – loss of fear. When you lose everything or even just that thing you have clung onto so long and realize you are still alive and don’t have anywhere else to go but up, you are forced to be courageous. Here’s another thing folks; you may think to yourself – “yeah, but I’m not an addict.” And this is what I say to you…EVERYONE is addicted to something. Everyone holds something so close that it is holding their personal growth in some area. Everyone is at one point or another afraid to change. And Everyone has something they wish for but are too afraid to get it.
If you want to be cured of something, you have taken the first step because first you have to know you are dis-eased in some way to need a cure. But don’t stop just at wishing for help. Help yourself first by getting the help you need. And if you don’t know where to go; just ask me. I may not have all the answers, but I will strive to connect you with resources to help you get the help you need. Why, because that is what someone did for me and part of my cure has been paying it forward.

#Recovery
#mereChristianity
#cslewis
#fear
#courage
#personalgrowth
#addiction
#themoxiephoenix

Day 1:
​I am so glad I went food shopping with council member Tony.  Already I was justifying items that, in hindsight, were outside the boundaries of the food items I designated for this fast.   It is amazing to me how easily I will toe the line, even straight up tight-rope it, and push boundaries.  As I sit here typing this, it occurs to me how in so many other areas in life I toed the line and tripped over it only to fall flat on my face, sometimes to some lasting consequences WAY outside the scope of this post.   Walking down the aisles, I felt a surge of stupidity – “Tony, is this stupid?  What I am doing.” Tony “you never asked me before for my opinion, you just go ahead and do it.  It’s impulsive.” Me, “But I’ve been thinking about this since November.” Tony, “you don’t always communicate what’s going on in your head.  I think the spirit of what you are doing is awesome.”  I thought about what he said.  I realize that I am brimming with thoughts and ideas and don’t share them with those closest to me.  He is also concerned because of all that is going on in my life – I just put an offer on a fixer upper today, am running 2 businesses, working a job, homeschooling a 16-year-old, caregiving my mother and helping a 10 year old try and work out fractions.  So maybe, just maybe, this venture will get me to open up more and share what is on my heart and in my head.  I wonder what all the benefits and consequences of this “impulse” will bear fruit too.   I will begin to have more clarity of my actions – even good ones – and how I clutter my life by busyness and actions.  After the shopping experience, which took a bit longer than anticipated – due to meticulously reading labels of the more “complex” food items, such as the bread, the apple butter and apple sauce, I realized how fortunate I am to have people joining me in solidarity.  I know I cannot do this by myself. Oh;  I forgot to mention the deal on council members – Jen H. had one and it turned out to be pivotal in her journey as I will be in mind.  I will introduce them to you them at another time.  My thoughts are racing faster than I can type.
This morning, I proudly laid out all my groceries – all 100% organic, farm-raised, kinda pricey investment – and took a picture.  I was actually excited to cook (I am sure the novelty will wear off soon) and made myself and my mother some breakfast of a spinach omelet, bread with apple butter.  Unsweetened hot mint green tea, water with orange Fiberwise and some vitamins and minerals.    It looked so pretty that I took another photo.  I am like a crazy teenager snapping selfies and texting my friends with them.  I am not in the pictures though, well except for the one picture with “my last meal” yesterday of beef tips in brown sauce and a beermosa – BUT it is not a selfie…Tony took that picture;  okay at my request, but there.  I am STUFFED.  I may not have as much a challenge as Jen Hatmaker, because my basic diet is kind of bland with flavor shots, and I have the tendency NOT to eat regularly because when I am in the zone I actually forget to eat.  So, I am anticipating awesome things to happen over the next several weeks.  Jen H. missed coffee.  I miss honey.